Busy, Busy, Busy

If I was honest about the past few months of life then I would admit it has been one big ferris wheel of activity, visitors, travel, sickness, sleepless nights, and full days for the Sullivan family. Somehow March came and went in the blink of an eye and I'm just now dusting myself off and looking around me to get my bearings once again. Of course, many of the activities are good things in and of themselves, but I have allowed some of them to drain me rather than re-energize me and now I am left in a state of exhaustion. 

This Saturday, David and I went to a parenting conference led by Mary DeMuth, a phenomenal author and mother.  I have heard her speak before briefly at our church, but I was a little hesitant to go because we just needed a nice, relaxing family day. Isn't that always how Satan tries to attack us when God wants to do some great things? Well, we went and God moved. It was a refreshing time of encouragement, of sharpening, of eye-opening, and of spurring one another on to continue this mission of parenting in a postmodern society. 

Part of the discussion was how to just slow down with your children and "be". I don't do this well. I really never have. I was always just as busy in high school, in college, after college and in NY after marriage with a career in "corporate america" - I found there really is no such thing as "free time" or "down time" on a regular basis. I found myself, after making the decision to stay home with Kate, creating a busy schedule to "justify" my decision as a stay-at-home mom. I was trying so hard to show people that I wasn't that Madison avenue mom with shopping bags in one hand and Starbucks in the other, so I filled my time to the brim with anything you can think of - even under the name of "ministry". Recently, I have realized through friends and just listening to God that it is time for me to slow down. Enjoy the down time. Read. Breathe. Stare. Listen. Say no. Be.

A few words of truth that Mary spoke at the conference really challenged me when it came to parenting and I realized that the patterns I create now for our family and the role model I am for Kate in this area will only prove more true in time. 

She said, "So many believe that production equals worth. If we are addicted to our worth in what we do, we won't be able to stay still long enough to be filled up. Can you trust God with your time as much as with your productivity?"

Oh - how I needed to hear that! Do I trust God with my time as much as with my productivity? Do I trust that His will is being accomplished in me, even when I'm reading to Kate or singing the ABC's for the 14th time or running up the block to fulfill an errand? Is it necessary to do everything that I think is necessary? This is my goal for April and then I pray it continues from there. I pray that I will fill my days with intentional things, yes, but with some built-in time to just be. Be with Kate. Be with David. Be with the family. Be with God. Be with me. Be.