S.A. check-up

i took my sweet babies to get their periodic check-up at the doctor yesterday. wesley weighs 15 lbs 14oz at 3 months and kate weighs 30 lbs at 3 yrs. yeah.

it's never fun getting shots. it's for sure never fun being the mom while your children look at you with those eyes that seem to say, "if you love me, you won't let them do this to me." sigh. the truth is that because we love them and want them to stay healthy, we allow the vaccination. again and again. though it looks like pain to them, it is the very thing (although some argue) that helps their bodies learn the defense necessary to guard against the same disease in the future.

our children teach us much of how God looks at us as that master Parent. His sovereignty assures us that though we are going through really difficult (understatement) things, we can be reminded that because He loves us so much - He will allow these trials to come again and again to shape us and to mold us in a way that we can resemble His image even more. (James 1:2-4)

i was meeting with someone last week that said, "I've always heard that God won't give you more than you can handle. If that's true, then God doesn't know me very well." i quickly recognized this thought was based on 1 Corinthians 10:13. I don't believe this is what God intended us to take away from it. In fact, as you continue on in the verse it says, "... but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." I believe that much of life will be filled with things that we can't handle on our own. that's the point, actually. if we could handle them on our own, in our own strength and in our own understanding, then we would never need a Savior. Christ is our escape.

families around us are struggling with some very real and very deep needs and hurts. divorce, adultery, sickness, death, depression and severe anxiety to name a few. when our friend, Chamie, was nursing her husband through his last months of cancer - she coined the phrase that life sometimes really "sucks ass". i can hear some "amen's" out there. those around her who were supporting her as friends became known as the "Team S.A". we even had shirts made that were worn at chamie's birthday brunch one week after her husband passed. (sadly i was out of town, but i still got a shirt! ha.)

now anytime i hear or counsel or talk with someone who is deeply hurting this is the phrase that comes to mind, right or wrong, followed by a little chuckle. sometimes, there are just no words.

this verse brings comfort in those times (one among many):

1 Samuel 2:7-9

"The Lord makes poor and makes rich;

he brings low and he exalts.

He raises up the poor from the dust;

he lifts the needy from the ash heap

to make them sit with princes

and inherit a seat of honor.

For the pillars of the earth are the Lord's

and on them he has set the world.

He will guard the feet of his faithful ones."

God is sovereign. some of us are sitting in ashes at the moment. full of despair, depression, anxiety and deep deep hurt. the kind that never seems possible to really and truly ever recover from. read this verse and take comfort. not only does our loving God control each trial, but He loves us so much He allows them to hurt for a moment so that He receives the glory of lifting us out to a place of honor. the foundation of the earth is the Lord's. let us keep the faith. let us hold fast to the hope of the cross - white knuckles and all. let us remember that He is working in and through each trial to bring about His redemption and one day He does promise that all will be restored - maybe not on earth- but for sure in heaven when Christ comes again to make us one with him. that is the gospel, isn't it? after the fall comes redemption and restoration.

He who has promised is faithful even in the "suck ass" moments ... especially in those moments.

back to school party

As the Lord would so timely provide, two darling homeschooling families moved into the City over the past few months and joined our church family and our Community Group. We had a "Back to School" lunch today and it was a true celebration. I teared up during the prayer at how God so graciously provides when you step out in faith. I could expand on so much more, but I'll just say that I feel so grateful. Humbly grateful.

Oh - and I think Kate had a good time as well.

Welcome back to school, everyone!

Speaking of provison...one of the mothers and I were talking about a wonderful book that we both recently read. The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson, which I highly recommend to any mother or to those who are thinking of becoming a mother one day. When I told my new friend how much I enjoyed the read and how much it encouraged me, she said, "Oh, Sally is coming to stay with me next month." Come again?! You mean the Sally that is the author Sally Clarkson? Oh, right.

Yeah, so Sally is evidently coming to stay with her next month and we are going to be able to sit in a small room with her and talk and share and pray and discuss. Oh sweetness. Are you kidding me?! I am speechless. Humbly speechless.

deuteronomy 6:7

Deuteronomy 6:4-7

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."

It is midnight, the night before Kate will start school for the first time. Well, that is not exactly true. I have felt a strong Spirit-led desire to be intentional with her since she was born. Don't get me wrong - there are many days when time seems to pass by mindlessly and I can't even begin to tell you what we did or what she could have possibly learned that day. But, I did make the choice to stay home with my children full-time and say goodbye to a career that was quite appealing and enjoyable at the time (three years ago). I remember the weeks of prayer that led up to that decision. I remember the words of encouragement that I received from dear friends and especially from my own mother that were instrumental in helping me make that important choice for our family. I especially remember the tears as I walked in faith and said goodbye to many things that made up my identity at the time. And I remember the commitment that I made to be intentional in my time with my children and to feel the sacrifices required to mother well.

Last week, I had lunch with some co-workers and following lunch went back to the office to see my former boss. We had a blast. We laughed. We caught up on life and we even gossiped about where people are now and what they are doing. (just being honest) Then I got back in the cab and came home in time to wake up with my son from his nap and to prepare a snack for my daughter and then take a leisurely stroll to the playground for some good outdoor time. I feel blessed that I have this choice. I recognize some do not and I also recognize that some have more of a choice than they want to admit. But, that is not the point of this blog. I digress.

The night before school. Hmmm...

A year ago, David and I began making preparations for this very week. We called the private schools that we were interested in sending Kate to for Pre-K. I followed the directions and called at 8am the day after Labor Day, coincidentally this exact week just one year ago, to collect the applications that we wished to complete. We toured schools. We met with the headmasters. We were interviewed. Kate was interviewed. Progress was made. Yet, the Spirit kept impressing on my heart something that was so foreign to me at the time. What if I kept Kate home this year? What if I didn't send her to school like I had planned and like everyone around me was doing? I prayed and prayed. I sought counsel. I prayed some more. I talked with David. I sat in silence and listened. I watched Kate. It was clear - David and I both had such a peace that for her 3 year old school year - we would have school at home. I knew I was pregnant. I knew I would also have a 3 month old. I knew it could possibly be a very lonely road. I also knew that I don't quite trust myself in the area of discipline and routine. I made excuses. I even wrote them down. But, I could not ignore the Spirit urging me to consider keeping Kate home and teaching her. Intentionally.

So, here we are. School is starting tomorrow at the Sullivan household. Kate has been excitedly asking for over a week, "Mom, what day is it? Can we start school today?" It is humbling. It is over-the-top exciting. It is a bit nerve-wrecking. I am not sure I know what we are getting into this year, but ready or not...

I can hardly sleep myself. I am giddy with anticipation. My lesson book is filled out this week. The supplies are fully stocked. I don't know all that we will learn this year. I hardly know what I am doing, but I do know that the God whom I call 'Father', commands us to not only love Him with all that we are but to share that love and teach it to our children. Not just once a week. Not just on Sundays or when we feel like it, but to intentionally plant seeds of His love and the life that He designed into the fertile soil of our children's hearts. If He commands it, He will give provision beyond measure as I seek to walk it out in my imperfect and shaky way. I have seen His provision so vividly and tangibly over our time in New York. It makes sense why I doubt myself. Because, it's not about me. It's not about Shawna's ability to make this work or to not. It's about God receiving the glory because through Him all things really are possible. Even taking someone like me and allowing me this precious time with my daughter as we learn together.

In many ways, I feel as though tomorrow is my first day of school and I couldn't be more excited.

So, here we go.