Amazing Grace

We are in the season of Epiphany - the revealing of God. 

It's interesting that many of us, including myself, celebrate Jesus up until Christmas, but quickly move on to New Year's resolutions and focus on what else we, ourselves, can accomplish in the new year. When in reality, now is almost more of a celebration as we learn about this 'God in flesh', who was revealed to us on earth. Now is the time that we recognize and see more of who God is, as Jesus exemplifies our Father in bodily form. Jesus is that portrait of God that we so desperately want to see. 

In John 1:1-2, 14, Jesus revealed the Father to be a God of grace and truth. 

Since I turned 30 a few weeks ago, I have been feeling like I should have some great mission statement for my life now. Something I am working towards and holding fast to, in order to measure up against as I move into the next decade. Last Sunday, JR focused on grace and I must say, it was one of those Sundays when God revealed Himself to me in a new and much needed way. I sat, in tears, as I realized grace is the very thing that I want to characterize my life for its remainder. 

Grace - "the lovingkindness of God freely extended to the undeserving." In the words of JR, "it is when He witholds from us something that we deserve and extends that which we could never earn."

I have heard of grace before. I have read Future Grace by Piper, I have sung the song, "Amazing Grace", and I could tell you some great scriptures that reference our salvation is not out of our own deeds but by the grace of God. Yay for me. However, I didn't ever realize how grossly I fail to understand grace in my every day life.

I still try to earn my worth in the eyes of man and in the eyes of God. I worry about who I am friends with and how people perceive me. I still look to others to meet the needs that only God can fill. I try to earn my worth in others eyes by showing how much I've accomplished and how much I know.  I still worry about the future. I still try and figure out my own logistics of my own plan, in an effort to comfort my own anxiety. I still judge and criticize others for where they are falling short. Nope. No grace there. 

I love when JR said, "unless Grace is enough, then you will waste the rest of your life trying to prove your worth to everyone else. Authenticity will settle in your heart only when you come to grips with that." Gulp. 

Is grace enough for me? I want it to be, but I can't say that it has been. That is it. That is what I am praying for in my life. That is really what I want to define this new decade for me and for my family. His grace. To live in a way that shows that I accept God's grace and that it is sufficient. Oh, that it would be enough for me. Enough. Not waiting for something else to change. Not waiting for a new place to live, more time with family and friends, more things, more happiness. No, God's grace is either sufficient or it is not. Either it is enough or it is not.

You know when God is really dealing with you on something, than you notice so much more in yourself and in others? I have noticed how much I don't show grace to those around me. I am more concerned with proving I am right. I have also noticed how much grace is shown to me, even when I so don't deserve it. My husband and my daughter have been a living example of grace this week to me. Then came Thursday. 

I am pretty sure you've heard the story by now. This plane, taking off from LaGuardia, hits a flock of geese (allegedly), causing both engines to fail and is forced to make a quite impossible landing in the middle of the Hudson River on the coldest day of the year. You can't make this stuff up. Nor can you make up that the pilot just happened to be someone who was trained for things just like this. That he has spent his life training for a crisis, just like this one. I wonder how many times that pilot wanted to just give up "training". I wonder how many times he considered retiring "early" and choosing an easier career path. I wonder how many times he complained of long hours and time away from his family that all proved to be the tools that were needed for this one moment. This one day. 

Of course, anyone can acknowledge how incredibly amazing that is just from our limited knowledge of  aviation engineering. However, I have sat in complete awe as I see the pictures of that plane, right in front of the apartments where we lived for three years. It was right there. Just a few miles from our apartment now. It landed just feet from where millions call their home. It took off from the airport I fly out of numerous times a year. Not only were those 155 passengers spared, but millions who could have been affected and who surrounded that plane on all sides, including my family and friends.

I know investigations continue. I know the pilot is deemed a hero, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to call this what it really is...God's grace. Either God is in control of everything or He is in control of nothing. He is capable of doing anything He so desires for His purposes and His glory and for some reason, He chose to show His face of grace upon that plane and those passengers. How privileged I feel to be a witness of such a visible and tangible sign of His grace. How powerful when we can call it what it is and live by it and in it. I am pretty sure that every one of those passenger's lives has been changed forever. 

What incredible weight to know that your life was spared, not out of anything you did or didn't do, but because the God of this universe chose to lay His grace upon you one more time in a way that no one has ever heard of or ever proved possible before now. But, wait, that is exactly what He has already done for you and me. 

That same grace, God's grace... that is enough for me.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Let that be enough.

Reflections and Memories

I am really not someone who freaks out about birthdays or wishes they never came. I love birthdays. My family always made a big deal of them growing up (complete with the birthday banner) and I love that, and so David and I continue to celebrate them as they should be celebrated...because they are all a big deal...to me. 

So, this birthday, being that it was my 30th - could have had a lot of expectations and pressure and yet I didn't know what to feel. It was surreal that I was going to be leaving my 20's behind, but I was ready. I really am thankful for all that I experienced in them. I wasn't going to be with my family or see any of my friends, so in a way, I was a little down when I thought about my birthday this year. OK, kind of a lot down. 

Little did I know, this would be one of the best birthdays I've ever had because of it's meaningfulness and because of the thoughtfulness of my husband and the words of those closest to me. Most of you know, because many of you participated in such a significant way this year to make my birthday incredibly unique and special. 

When I woke up, David had placed about 50 cards all over our apartment. Literally everywhere I looked I could see one "hidden". There were instructions to not open them until he got home from work (around noon). He was going to order me breakfast, but I ended up meeting Ginger for my favorite scones at Alice's Tea Cup with our girls. It was a perfect way to begin a birthday. Snowing outside. Tea and scones with one of my dear friends. Loved it. 

Then, David met me at home and I was able to open my "gifts". Every hour from noon until midnight, I opened 4 cards from my sweet friends. On those pages, were the words from my friends yet in my husbands handwriting. He took the time to hand write every word on every card and hide them. Most of them stuck to his rule of "30 words or less" and they were some of the most touching and humbling words I have ever read. 

Then every once in a while he would have a small gift tucked away from him and a picture of words that accompanied it. 30 of the most memorable restaurants we've been to, 30 of the most memorable things we've done in New York, 30 of the places we've traveled to together, 30 of the things "to come" in the next thirty years, etc. I could go on and on. 

Then, I received so many kind messages and calls and surprises from others. A friend's husband stopped by to bring Magnolia Bakery cupcakes, as his wife was out of town. Uh - yum. Flowers arrived from my parents. Beautiful. Courtney sent me super fun slippers and darling note cards. Modeled here, along with Kate, of course.  She had to get in the picture too! :) 

David made me an incredible candlelit steak dinner and bought me Carnegie Deli cheesecake, which is my favorite of all time. 

Then Friday night, we continued to celebrate with a dinner date night at Butter, a restaurant by a well-known chef that we've been wanting to try. It was amazing. 

This quote from my husband really summarizes my feelings about this birthday. He said, "I thought hearing how you've impacted people for the past 30 years and remembering all that you've experienced would bring so much more fulfillment than any material gift." Oh he is so right. He so knows me and I so love him for that. What an incredible birthday it was. What an amazing 30 more years it will be...I can't wait! 

Thank you, to everyone who helped make this day special with your words, your encouragement, your prayers and your memories. Thank you to my husband who did not let one minute of my birthday go by without a thoughtful word, prayer, thought, or action. I will never be able to express how much it all meant to me. It helped create a true day of celebration in a way I have never experienced before. A day of peace. A day of humility. A day of contentment. A day of pure gratitude. A day of so many tears. A day of reflection. A day of memories.