Auntie's Visit

I had so much fun with my Auntie last weekend. She brought me some really cute clothes and the coolest toy ever - a Walkman Elmo (i think my mom just made that official term up). I played with Elmo the entire time and still haven't put it down. It's my new favorite.

Auntie is so good about playing with me and I loved singing and dancing for her and showing her all of my toys and my room. She got to meet my friends and even my mommy and daddy's friends.  She even let me eat her apple every time she got one.

Some of my favorite things we did together was taking her to my gym class, going apple picking, and walking through Central Park after our trip to the zoo. It really means a lot that she would fly all the way to New York to hang out with me when I know she is super busy.

If you want to see more pictures and hear more of what we did, you can go to my Auntie's blog here. 

We love you and miss you, Auntie!

Love, 

Kate

Prayer for Kristi

I am writing on behalf of my college friend, Kristi (Winters) Walker. She and I were at Baylor and in the same sorority together and the same age. We found out about a week ago, while she was delivering her third son, Zane, that she was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer.

Here are some pictures of she and her husband, Chuck, and their two oldest boys, Cade and Mason. 

I know there is much going on in the world and in our lives, but if you could take some time this week and going forward, as God leads you - to say a prayer of healing and peace for this family and for Kristi, I would really appreciate it and I know it would mean so much to this sweet family.

I have included some info on them and specific things to pray for below. Thank you, friends. 

God is Healer. God is a Miracle Worker. God is Mighty to Save. God is Compassionate. God is Good. 

*******************************************

Chuck and Kristi Walker are the proud parents of 3 young boys, Cade (4 1/2), Mason (2), and Zane (newborn).

During Kristi's third trimester of pregnancy with Zane she started experiencing extreme back and hip pain, requiring her to be put on bedrest. On Friday, October 17th, Kristi was admitted for an emergency C-section due to what was believed to be 'Hellp Syndrome'.

Kristi was transported to UNC Hospital following the birth, and after several days of extensive testing, the doctors diagnosed Kristi with Stage IV breast cancer with metastasis in the liver, spine and pelvis.

Chuck and Kristi are believers in the Truth of the Bible and in salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. They believe in the power of prayer and that this is truly the greatest help to them.
--------------------------------------
Please pray: (Updated 10/28)
- for healing for Kristi – both from the cancer (effectiveness of the chemo) and recovery from delivery procedure
- for spinal tap procedure to be completed with minimal pain / headaches
- for strength and comfort for Kristi
- for endurance through chemo treatment procedures / meds – for minimal side effects.
- for wisdom for the doctors
- for energy for both Kristi and Chuck
- for comfort / energy for parents with the kids / baby
- for wisdom in what / how to communicate to the kids - Chuck plans on spending tonight (10/24) with the boys. Chuck will begin to share (not in full detail) with Cade ( the 4 year old) more about Mommy's sickness. Then Chuck and Kristi hope to talk more with Cade tomorrow (10/25)
- for contentment for the kids
- for healthy / smooth development of baby Zane
- to be able to have joy and time to savor the miracle of Zane, a precious new life from God
- for encouragement for Chuck and not to become overwhelmed
- for faith to know our God is the Great Physician, the Maker and Sustainer of Life
- for grace to find peace in resting in God’s sovereign will
- for comfortableness and vulnerability of Chuck and Kristi with their brothers / sisters in Christ to minister to one another – rather than awkwardness and fear
- for a God given sensitivity from their immediate family and brothers / sisters in Christ
- For our church family of Faith to be patient and be flexible as we seek to minister to Chuck and Kristi
- For our church family of Faith to pray without ceasing

On My Mind

The apartment is quiet aside from the light music playing in the background. Kate is napping. The place is clean and picked up. I have a moment to just ponder and journal my thoughts. 

- I like a clean place. Why don't I do a more consistent job of cleaning more often? I function better. I am less stressed and frustrated when things are clean. In a way it has a calming affect on me and I am able to focus on other things better. I don't know why I pick up all day long, but don't deep clean as often as I would like. I don't want to use time as an excuse. I just need to do it. 

- I am very humbled and blessed today by my friends. My morning received a ray of sunshine on this cold, grey day when I opened a thoughtful text from my friend, Keitha. I am thankful to call her friend after over 10 years of cultivating an open, gut-wrenchingly honest, real, true, genuine friendship. She has helped me refine the word, 'friend', and I do not use it loosely. Each phase of pruning in our relationship has produced a relationship that humbles me each time I think of it. I truly feel that is what He has intended all along. I love where we are now. She is my 'same' in many ways, just a few years ahead. I also had a group of mom friends over for brunch and prayer this morning. Although some mornings we only make it to requests because of the kiddos. I looked around the bar at each one of them and thought - these faces all represent God's provision for me here. After 5 years to look at each of them...how humbling. Then I checked email and saw one from dear friends back in Texas that we get to hang out with this weekend, the Baileys. They are kindred spirits for David and I. It also reminded me of all of my sweet and dearest friends far away. How utterly thankful I am. Life is so empty without friends and I feel blessed and undeniably full in this area after so many changes, distance, and time. God is faithful. He is good. 

- I love me some Chili. We are having a last minute dinner guest over tonight and I love that it is easy to whip up some chili and that it always sounds good to me, especially on a cool, Fall day. This dinner guest is a mutual college friend of ours and happened to be the very guest with us on the night my water broke over a year ago. Uh - yea. What memories that brings back! I am sure our conversation will reminisce tonight just a bit and we will share a big laugh.

- Pumpkin scones are delightful. I could have one every morning and never get tired of them.

- Mornings are so peaceful. I usually spend my alone time with God during Kate's nap, but I really want to start having it in the morning after David leaves and before Kate gets up. I just need to do it. It's not hard. I am just lazy and selfish with my time. This morning I was reminded how sweet that time is and I want to do it more often. 

- I love candles. They make a place feel cozy. I lit all my candles this morning for my friends and I had to actually dust some off because they have not been lit in a long time. I feel like that is one way I can enjoy and live for today - by lighting candles more often. What am I saving them for?

- Entertaining is so fun. We get to have several families over this weekend, some we know and some we don't. Then next weekend - a Fall Festival for our Community Group. What a sign of God's provision for us that he allowed us to move into a smaller place, but one with an outdoor space, so that we can do this more often. The Fall festival is going to be an "outreach" time where we get to invite families that are unchurched and that we care about in the community. What a huge answer to prayer that we can offer our place for such gatherings and it's fun at the same time! 

- Charlie Brown must have a movie for each holiday. There was "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" on this week and I know of "Charlie Brown's Christmas". Is there one for Thanksgiving? Random.

I know I could go on and on but think I'll stop for now and do some reading. Thanks for stopping by ... these are a few things on my mind right now.

Heavy

It's interesting to me as I look back on my previous post, how I can go from one state of mind to another in such a short amount of time. 

How fickle I am. 

I have felt so heavy lately. Last week was a difficult one for me as I learned of several, five to be exact, friends, close friends, family members dealing with really huge life things. 

Cancer. 

Financial Crisis. 

Depression. 

Lost job. 

Extremely serious illnesses. 

I felt like each one was  another weight on my head and yet I can't even begin to imagine how each of them are feeling. It puts every shallow thing that I deal with into such perspective (completely unimportantl) and I feel so heavy as I intercede on their behalf. I can't think of another word. Burdened? Overwhelmed? Heavy.

It's been one of those weeks that I can't focus on anything and so I keep lifting up some sort of prayer for them, but there are things still going on and good things to be celebrated and so I have felt torn at the same time. Heavy and torn. Does this make any sense? I'm trying to figure out what to pray for and how to pray and how to even form words, and yet I remember the Spirit intercedes for us. I love that. It just takes me out of the equation altogether. That is so comforting.

My heart is heavy. I feel a new meaning to this verse and I pray it brings a bit of rest to all of us who are feeling a heavier burden these days - for our families or for others and for those who are facing a burden greater than they have ever faced before.  

Matthew 11:28-30

28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Beauty for Ashes

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, 

because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. 

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 

to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, 


 to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead 

of mourning, and a GARMENT of praise instead of a spirit of despair. 

They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”

(10) “I delight greatly in the LORD; 
my soul rejoices in my God.

For HE HAS CLOTHED me with GARMENTS of salvation 

and arrayed me in a ROBE of righteousness,

as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”

Isaiah 61:1-3, 10

This past weekend was the first Apostles Church women's retreat. All 65 women made it safely to and from the retreat, and God chose to use the women of Apostles to powerfully speak of His faithfulness and love in a way I have not heard and felt before. All praise be to our God. Truly.

At first I was not sure how this weekend would look and it was a bit intimidating starting this from scratch. Our planning team began to pray for direction and focus on an overall topic and it was clear that God was prompting us to speak on having an

Identity in Christ: what that looks like and how it remains compelling against the false identities around us. The theme, Beauty for Ashes, emerged from many talks and was taken from the verse above, in Isaiah. 

This idea of "garments" expressed in Isaiah is also shown in the story of Jacob and it was intriguing to me as I studied and prepared for my talk Friday night. In Genesis 35, Jacob feels God prompting him to lead his family back to Bethel to build an altar of thanks and honor and so

 he turns to his family and says, (paraphrased) "get rid of the false gods among you, purify yourselves and change your garments". It's so interesting to me that the "changing of garments" was such a vital part of beginning this holy journey. I love that picture. I challenged the women and mostly myself this weekend to really reflect on what we have been clothing ourselves in and to pray towards a more eternal wardrobe. I know for me, as a mom in the City and a wife in a marriage that has seen its ups and downs, it has been challenging for me to find my identity in a God who never changes. But, I learn time and time again that He is the only one who can fulfill me and fully satisfy my deepest desires. I needed to be reminded of that this weekend.

There really is so much to say (which is ironic because I have now lost my voice), but I was amazed as I studied further into this Isaiah verse and its historical context. The prophet, Isaiah, is declaring the "year of the Lord's favor" because the

 Jews had just been freed from captivity in Babylon for over 50 years. The slaves were freed and

 their land returned to their original owners, but they were still an oppressed people, not able to rebuild their temple for another 20 years. All of their expectations still went unfulfilled. So, Isaiah is also prophesying of a coming King who, we later see in Luke 4:16-21, is reading and teaching scripture, that just happens to be Isaiah 61 and declares, "this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing." 

Wow. How powerful. Jesus says...It's ME who you are looking for. It's ME who can give true beauty and comfort and peace and joy and freedom. I AM the fulfillment of all that you are seeking. Don't you love that? I so needed to hear that. God must feel like a broken record with

 me, saying over and over, "I AM what you are looking for, Shawna. I AM the only one and the only thing that can satisfy you." I felt Him saying that to me, once again, this weekend. 

Saturday morning, we were blessed to sing praises to our God a cappella in an outdoor amphitheatre in the midst of His splendid creation. It was glorious hearing 65 voices exalting His name.

Then, we heard from Ginger Vassar (JR's wife) on what an identity in Christ is and how it can be defined. I love what she said. An identity in Christ is simply believing that all God says about who I am is true, because of Jesus. I had to really sit with myself in the peace and beauty of His creation and digest this a little bit. Do I really trust Him? Do I really believe what He says about me? 

Later that day, another woman spoke on "Cultivating a Life of Prayer". Her passion and genuine excitement on the power of prayer was so convicting to me. She talked of "prayer being the native language of our faith", and that nothing needs to change in order for us to pray - to pray IS to change. 

That night, after free time and wonderful conversations, we heard from a panel that was largely made up from the very women planning this retreat. It was so powerful to hear how God has moved in each of their lives and to hear of the very experiences that led them to defining this "identity in Christ". 

1. One woman talked about how she moved to the City and after being raised in a Christian home was lured away by all the "glitter" of the City. She started shopping in stores she couldn't afford, eating next to celebrities, and partying with people that were really fun and good people. She said she was ready to trade Christ in for that sweater at Barneys and all of these "glamorous" things. She remembered praying just months ago, "God reveal yourself to me, God reveal yourself to me, God reveal yourself to me." After a lot of prayer from friends and loved ones she began reading, "Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer. She said that she truly started experiencing and seeing God in ways she never had before. She began to see the "glamour" that IS in a relationship with Christ. Praise God.

2. Another spoke of her life growing up in New York with a mother who was an addict and going to live with a grandmother who was the first example she had of a Christian. After growing up and marrying and having two children, her husband left. She was alone once again, now as a single mom. Feeling angry after so many things had gone wrong and been taken from her, God continued to pursue her time and time again. She realizes now that her joy is in her pain. She has learned to embrace it. Wow. Praise God. 

3. Another spoke of how she had the perfect life growing up. Only went to church on the holidays but found and married the perfect man, bought the perfect house, had the perfect job, had the perfect pregnancy and beautiful baby girl and yet still felt the biggest void in the her life. After breaking down, she and her family started going to church and Christ revealed himself to her. She said it was then that things started feeling like they were "falling apart". She miscarried her next pregnancy, jobs became unstable and finances more tight. She said that through it all, she has learned that to have everything and not Christ is still so empty, but to have Christ and nothing else is far better. Praise God. 

4. The last panelist spoke of a defining moment in her life when at age 16, her mom was killed in a car accident. In broad daylight, she was gone. Just like that. What a devastating time and yet she was really faced with that crossroads of choosing to find an identity and comfort in Christ alone or in the things of this world. Of course that tragedy lives with her still to this day, but the peace of God has filled her in a way that nothing else could have. Praise God. 

I know this is long. But, do you see why this weekend was amazing? I couldn't have planned this. I didn't plan this. God moved so powerfully in ways that no one on our planning team have ever imagined six months ago as we started praying. God is so good. I am truly in awe. I pray that if even one of these stories speaks to you, that you would remember that God IS who He says He is and is the true fulfillment of your deepest desires. 

Kate - 15 months

I just took this picture of Kate today and it was too cute not to post. We are having so much fun with her right now. Have I said that before?

* Every night, she hams it up and dances and twirls in a circle and runs back to our room and waits for us to say, "where's Kate?" Then she runs out and puts her hands in the air like..."ta-da, here I am!" It's hysterical.  She is quite the little performer already. Loves attention. Not sure where she gets that from.

* She is saying so many words right now, but some of my favorites are: Jesus, cheese (any time she eats or sees a camera), apple, bible, blueberry, hot dog, shoes, uh oh, and please (peeece).

*When we ask her, "Who loves Kate?", she answers most of the time with "Papaw". We say, "yes, and also Daddy/Mommy and God." (of course all of you as well - ha!)

* One of her favorite things to do is turn off the light switch and back on. Every time we pass one,  she has to do it at least once. Sigh. I guess that will come in handy one day when she is tall enough.

*Her favorite thing to eat right now is string cheese. She'll ask for cheese at breakfast, lunch, and dinner and every snack time in between. 

* She can say all of the animal sounds for a horse, lion, pig, duck, dog, cat, goat, sheep, rooster (this one is hysterical), bee, and a monkey.

* She can't say milk yet, but she knows what cup the milk goes in...so when she wants some, she goes to her drawer and gets that cup and shows it to me. Hey - she is resourceful!

* She loves putting on our shoes. The other night she came in with one of my shoes on and I couldn't believe this has started already. Ha. 

* She can feed herself now with a spoon, just like a big girl. It's incredibly messy, but it's a great start!

* She loves going in and out from the patio to the apartment just like a big girl and can navigate the stair really well. (I love that she can do that as well) She really loves it outside. She also knows how to get down from the couch and other high places by scooting down backwards. Since she fell off the couch as a 5 month old (or something), I am very thankful for this too.

* She LOVES to make people laugh. And...it works with us, that's for sure. 

Of course, we are dealing with biting for attention and the arching of the back (still) and defiant behavior, but all of the things above and all of the things not mentioned...make it such a joy and an honor to be her parents. 

Like any mother, I could go on and on, but this is really so I don't forget the funny things when I actually get around to doing her baby book. 

Belize - Exploring God's Creation

"I will lift up mine eyes

to the hills;"

and when I fly

I will lift up my eyes instead to the sky:

it is the same

sure, 

certain thing - 

this quiet lifting up, 

remembering...

I leave myself

awhile

to let my thoughts

explore

all He has made

and More; 

returning to my small load 

at length, 

calm, 

reassured: 

this is my strength.

- Ruth Bell Graham

Happy Wedding!

I love weddings. I feel like I haven't been to one in a long while and we had the privilege of going to a very special one today. Special because we love this couple, yes. Special because any wedding is special, yes. But this one in particular was so dear to my heart and it was truly an honor to participate and to see, in a tangible way, God orchestrating a beautiful unity.

Sweet Angie and I have been meeting monthly over coffee, getting to know each other's hearts. She has an amazing testimony of God's grace and provision in her life, and her friendship has become so dear to me. Her humility inspires me and you just can't help but want the world for her, because she is so deserving. 

Angie and Tom both lead worship at our church. They are incredibly talented, but also some of the most genuine people I have ever met. 

They had a big wedding planned in Nashville for next year and they both looked at each other and said, "Wait - this isn't us. What are we doing this for?" So, decided to do a wedding in New York in 6 weeks time and invite the entire church. Keep it simple. Have those who are close to you and are apart of your community there. Keep it real. 

I so love that about them. They put aside any selfish desire to have it be about anything else or more and yet it was so much more than they could have ever planned. It wasn't about the flowers. It wasn't about her dress (although she looked gorgeous!). It wasn't about the music, even though they are both musicians. It really was about them giving all glory to our Father and celebrating one of His most precious gifts - each other. I love that. I love them. I love weddings. What a great reminder and a great example for me and, well, all of us.

Meet some of my sweet girlfriends.

Meet my dear friend, Becky.Meet my handsome husband. 

Meet Shawna, now as a brunette.

Belize: Exploring Blancaneaux

I have been back from Belize for a week and am so overwhelmed by all that we saw and did  and learned that I really don't even know where to start. But, I am going to try and give an overview of the trip for those who care and who have prayed us through from the beginning. 

Let me start by saying that this trip was more than I could have ever expected, imagined or deserved. We planned this trip originally to celebrate a year of milestones: both of us turning 30 and our 5 year anniversary next month. Though we started praying, saving and setting aside dates a while back, we did not make any reservations or plans or even decide on where to go until a month before. I don't have a good answer as to why, other than that we really didn't have a peace about some of our options. So, there was little expectation or even knowledge about where we were going and what we were going to do. I have to admit that I had to look at a map to see just where Belize was located. (I am VERY geographically challenged) That is what made it even better, to be honest. God just surprised us with one blessing after another in time together, uninterrupted, in the midst of His unbelievable creation. Of course, this was in His plan all along. 

Now for a quick overview. Well, an overview. I'm not sure how quick it will be.

Things I could have done without: 

1. Some of the rain. It rained at least once a day (although we knew it was rain season, so that was not a shocker), but miraculously it didn't ever prevent us from doing what we had wanted to do during the day. And, it was super fun to lay in bed and hear the rain on our thatched roof. :) Video below (turn your sound way up and you'll hear what we heard each night).

2. Some meals better than others. Blancaneaux (where we stayed) is owned by Francis Ford Coppola, so he insists that they serve Italian as the main fare and Guatemalan as a "special". What? There is nothing stranger than eating a pizza or calzone in the middle of the rain forest. However, we were able to eat Guatemalan food (Amazing!) 5 out of the 7 nights and devoured it each time.

3. We were in the middle of the  jungle for the entire trip and David and I both got eaten to death by bugs of every kind. Like 18 bites on one arm (just to give you an example). Not fun. I look like I have the chicken pox right now. That's attractive.

4. We had to bathe in OFF when we got out of the shower. So much for feeling clean!

5. David beating me at cards so many times. 

6. The Eddie Bauer models who were there for a photo shoot. Seriously?

Things we forgot at home:

1. David forgot his entire toiletry bag. 

2. I forgot bug spray - yikes! Thankfully we could buy things there. 

3. My hat. Oh well. 

4. My sports bra for the hour drive on the dirt road. See video below. The sound doesn't really work, but you get the point. For at least an hour. Yea.

Things that I LOVED last week (a few of them, at least).

1. Appreciating time with my husband in deep conversation and in deep laughter. 

2. Savoring silence.

3. Admiring God's creation.

4. Acknowledging His endless creativity.

5. Getting to know and falling in love with the Belize culture.

6. Being adventurous and spontaneous with a day trip to Guatemala, a tour through a cave, a walk through a rain forest, and biking and hiking down to an amazing waterfall - all with my love.

7. Getting to wake up uninterrupted, drinking coffee on our balcony, hearing the rushing water, and reading scripture and poetry together.

8. Reading my new books and God's word in the peace of nature.

9. Eating Guatemalan food. Have I mentioned that yet? So good. 

10. Getting to know the people that work at Blancaneaux and hearing about their life and their families. I loved how they would say, "Hi David, Hi Shawna", every time we saw them. They would ask about Kate and were just like family while we were there. 

11. Oscar - the best tour guide we had. He was a walking Belize encyclopedia; an amazing fountain of knowledge about anything and everything. We asked him everything from religion and economy in Belize to the history of the "cutter" ant and he spouted off an explanation with such passion and humility. He could even spot a Toucan while driving 50 miles an hour at the tip top of a tree and point it out to us just in time. We really loved him. We learned a ton.

12. Talking about memories over the last wonderful 5 years with my husband. So many blessings. So many periods of grace and provision. So many times of brokenness and humility. All things that made us stronger and more dependent on our God. So much to be thankful for, really.

Oh - I have so much more to say and am sure things from our trip will pop up here and there over the next few months. 

Here is just the first of many slideshows. This one is us as we land in Belize and arrive to the resort. It will give you a good idea of where we stayed. 

The next blog and slideshow will be on all that we witnessed of God's creation. David took some unbelievable photos of everything we saw while in Belize. It was a sight to behold. The following one will be of our day excursions to: 1) the cave 2) 1,000 ft. falls 3) Big Rock Falls 4)Guatemala - Tikal & the rain forest. Like I said...it's a bit overwhelming.

 Thank you so much for your prayers and for those who have called and emailed with encouragement. I cannot tell you how much it meant for David and I to know we had so many thinking of us while on their knees. We felt them and heard them and thanked God for you while we were away. God truly used this trip as a time of replenishing our spirit, our marriage, our love of His creation, and our perspective on life. We all need that from time to time. I feel like a plant who was watered after so many months of feeling parched. Now refreshed. Replenished. Renewed. God is so good. He is so good to allow us some time away in the midst of a very stressful and uneasy time in our city and in our country.

Thank you, friends and family. Thank you mom and dad for watching Kate and allowing us this time away. Thank you!!!!!