Simple.Full.Pure.Delight

If I think about this Mother's Day, there wasn't one thing that was extraordinarily special. Nothing that makes me think, wow, this is the best Mother's Day ever - since I've only had two. ha. If you asked me what we did, I probably couldn't even come up with anything that exciting or glamorous to share or stories to tell. It was just about simple and pure delight.

Delighting in God's goodness and His might: I was reminded this weekend of His ability to move mountains even in the most impossible and hopeless situations. Sunday, Kristian shared stories from his trip to Southeast Asia with Love 146. God continues to stir up a passion in David and I to become more actively involved in ending sex trafficking. We will all be held accountable to what we do to help end the injustices in this world and David and I are praying what our part will be - large or small. When all hope on earth is lost, it is refreshing and powerful to remember God's power and His might and the hope we have in Him.

Delighting in alone time: I relished in some time alone on Saturday morning. I decided to redeem a gift card for a facial at Paul LeBrecque, from the seminar I planned a few months ago. I milked it for all a one hour treatment could possibly be worth and more. Read some. Sat in the steam room. Did some window shopping. Several hours later strolled home a bit more relaxed. Delightful.

Delighting in the heart of my husband: I am continually humbled and taken back at the depths of my husband's heart. I love hearing his inner most thoughts, which don't come out all that frequently (because it's usually me doing the talking), so when they do...I listen. Intently listen and admire. I delight in my conversation with him. This week it was both rich and sweet as we talked more about God's vision for our lives and our deepest heart's desire -- to love, serve and obey Him with everything, in everything, for everything -- and to really explore together what that means for us, as a family. Not just lip service. We are ready for our lives to be changed. Our hearts transformed. Our dreams radically different.

Delighting in reflections: Keitha gave me a book for my birthday, "Treasuring God in Our Traditions" by Noel Piper. I had started it a while back, but picked it up again, as I thought Mother's Day would be a perfect time to reflect even more on these things and to jot down more notes on what I would like to do with our family.

Delighting in family time: We enjoyed a street fair in the Lower East Side. (not to be confused with the Upper East Side) Lots of people watching, laughs and memories.

Delighting in community: On Sunday, we spent the majority of the afternoon and evening with two families that we love spending time with. We were at Central Park playing, picnicking, and laughing. Then enjoyed a wonderful fajita dinner with everyone in our backyard. I really delight in true community.

Delighting in my own mother: I am inexpressibly thankful to have a mother who is an example to me in every way. I am thankful that we have walked many roads together and that she has sacrificed continuously, given generously, and answered fully that God-ordained calling of a true mother. I am thankful for our conversations each day. I am thankful that even through the distance - she continues to mother and invest in my life and in the life of our family. She is one of those amazing ones. She just is.

Delighting in the legacies of my Grandmothers: I have been thinking about their legacies so much lately. Kate is learning songs and memory verses that my Grandma Martin taught me. It makes my heart swell with pride and humility each time I hear Kate's voice and remember how important they each were to me. Each time I have Kate help me in the kitchen I am reminded of the special legacy my Mama 2 taught me with cooking -- the art and pure delight of cooking. This makes me very thankful and very happy.

Delighting in treats: My sister surprised me by sending these flowers. She is extremely thoughtful and it made my entire weekend! Then we had some Butter Lane cupcakes that definitely rank up in my Top 5 of all time. I took much delight in the chocolate cupcake with Peanut Butta (as they say) icing, the vanilla cupcake with the French Chocolate icing, and the banana cupcake with Cream Cheese icing. (yes, I did share) All of them - melted in my mouth. They were delicious!! Family, fun, and food. What could be more delightful?!

Delighting in other mothers that I so admire: I spent some time praying and thanking God for the other mothers in my lives that encourage me, challenge me, and teach me. I can't imagine going on this journey without them.

And, delighting, most especially, in the one who makes me a mother...sweet baby Kate: What a ham!

What a love! If I haven't said this before, I'll say it now...She is just SO super fun.

I LOVE hanging out with her everyday. Even the bad and tiring ones. Seriously - I can't imagine doing anything else. She is engaging. She is challenging. She is so gentle and loving. She is hysterical. She is so complex and I love her for it.

I find myself just staring at her and watching her in amazement and in complete awe. Oh, how I love this baby girl.

I am so proud to be her mom. So proud.

Simple. Full. Pure. Delight.

Nice.

Nice = Shawna's word usually envoking sarcasm. At times meant to replace cussing or saying something she will regret later. Other times it represents an affirmative praise with a slight chuckle or even a response to an embarrassing or revealing moment.

Here are some things things lately that have been deserving of the word...."nice", in the contexts mentioned above.

1. My friend Andrea was here a few weeks ago and we were out on the town one night. I had some jeans cuffed b/c they were a little too long for the kitten heel shoes that I had chosen for my outfit. Plus, cuffing is cool. Ha. I had tripped several times (picture: heel getting caught in cuff) and I even mentioned that I am in big trouble this evening - since in NYC you walk everywhere. Sure enough - we finished ONE nice drink (i promise) and some appetizers and were on our way to catch the subway to dinner...when, I BUSTED. I mean...not your typical 'stumble, but catch yourself' fall. No, I'm talking - full throttle, bust a seam (which i didn't, thankfully), hands thrown frontward, fall on your face ... fall. In the middle of the

sidewalk. In the middle of the meatpacking district. In the middle of my friends. Nice.

2. I had some mom friends over yesterday morning. We meet every week to encourage each other and chat. My neighbor and good friend, Sarah, was over and we were putting two quiches into my oven when she said, "Do you ever find it hard to put things into your oven?" When I asked what she was referring to, she responded, "Did you know that your oven racks are in backwards?" I clearly didn't. She said the lip on the rack should be in the back and I had all 3 of my racks in backwards with that darned lip in the front, making it near impossible to put things in and take things out of the oven without spilling. Light bulb moment. "Ahhh, that's why. Nice."

3. Kate. Ahhh - sweet Kate. For starters, we are approaching the lovely two phase. I can feel the mothers out there cringing. There are many days that I feel as though she is approaching 22. We have two darling, but typical boys who live next door - ages 2 and 4. They love to make up words, some that are not so great, in order to get each other laughing. Their mother is a fabulous mother and does discipline accordingly, but their most recent word that Kate has caught on to is "Poopoo-head". You can say it with me ... nice.

So, we have disciplined Kate several times with a time out for using the aforementioned word, which she knows is not a kind word nor one that is holy and pleasing to God nor one showing love and kindness and respect to mommy. She loves saying it anyway. She will whisper it during a diaper change or during bath time b/c she knows I can't discipline right away - so I am trying to change my tactics to match her strategy. All of that said...this morning, we were having some learning time and we were going through her alphabet books - one for each letter. We get to "P" where she already read, "Pencil, Porcupine, and Piano." I said "Good job!" Then, I asked, "Kate, what else starts with P (like i had with every other letter)." Without skipping a beat, she says, "Poopoo-head." She is 22 months old. Nice.

4. On Tuesday, I was not having a great day. Can't remember why now, but I just wasn't. To make it even better...Kate came up and said, "Mommy, Poo poo in the potty!" Being thankful it did not end in head and excited and hopeful that this was going to be the end of my bad day, we run to the potty and pull off her diaper. I sit. She sits. We read. We sing. We laugh. We talk. We wait and wait and wait. After a few minutes I say, "I am going to the kitchen to get some water, I'll be right back." I pull the door to where just a crack remains and return 30 seconds later to find my sweet daughter who was sitting on the potty when I left, now standing still near the potty - peeing standing up. Pee spraying everywhere. Nice.

5. We love going to Central Park. It's such great times. We have had a few weeks of beautiful weather (now followed by a week of constant rain). The rule in NYC is if the sun is out, so should you be. Well, I just made that up, but that's my rule. So, here are some pictures from us at the park that made me think....Nice.

Kate saying "C-H-E-E-S-E" as big as she can b/c I keep asking her to say it, so I can take just one cute picture. This is the face she makes. Cute. Nice.

Kate bending over to pick up a ball. Nice...crack.

Kate not enjoying her hat and wanting nothing to do with it. Nice.

6. Last week at church - it was a tough Sunday. David and I were filling in for our usual CG leaders who were out of town last minute due to a death in the family. As God would have it, we got to answer and cover the lovely topic of predestination as mentioned by the Apostle Paul in Ephesians, Chapter 1. Then afterwards a sweet friend came up and through tears was asking me how God can still be Sovereign over evil and suffering in the world (based on some things happening in her family). Then, as I just start to think I'm getting a theological break, I go down to help in kids - to fill in last minute for another couple - and realize the lesson for 2 and 3 year olds is to teach on the Trinitarian God. Are you kidding me!? Nice.

Oh - then, did I mention that a 3 year old, who was just visiting the church from out of state, had a little accident and pooped all over her underwear? Yeah. Let me just say, that for some reason, I can handle Kate's diapers but there is just SOMETHING about another kid's poo that just does me in...On top of everything else that day, I sat in the bathroom changing this girl's pants thinking...Nice Sunday. Sigh. Nice.

7. David and I are very blessed to trade off nights with our neighbors each week for a date night. Free babysitting just about does away with every excuse for not 'feeling' up to getting out every week - even for a cup of coffee. We love our Tuesdays. We have gone to some great places and some that have made some great memories.

One of our favorites was Panna II - an Indian restaurant in the Lower East Side. We walked into a restaurant with techno Indian music and a thousand multi-colored lights hanging from the ceiling. Nice.

Another was getting sushi a few weeks ago. We had a coupon that allowed us to order a lot of sushi and pay 1/2 the price. We went to town. We love sushi. Little did I know, that when you order over a certain amount, they serve the sushi in ... a boat. Like a real wooden big boat. Now, just picture any sushi restaurant you've ever been to in your life. It's usually on the quieter side (aside from super trendy places) and people stick to their own conversations. Well, the waiter brings this BOAT over for our table and EVERY head turns to us. One woman next to us, eating alone said, "I am really jealous.". The table of four, on the other side of us, just turned and laughed so hard and uncontrollably - even I turned red in embarrassment. Nice.

OK - it was a little much.

9. Kate loves to play dress up. She doesn't have any real "dress up" clothes, but loves putting on my sunglasses (see previous post), putting on my shirts and wearing my shoes. She will get my shirts and just hang them around her neck if she can't quite get her arms through. So, the other night, David goes, "Sweetheart, I think Kate has on some of your underwear." Nonchalantly, I said, "Oh yea -she does that alot b/c she loves to get into my drawers." He said, "Well, I think these are dirty." I was horrified. Evidently, she decided to play dress up from the laundry basket this week! Nice.

8. This morning while making breakfast, I hear my sweet, precious baby girl say, "Yook, Mommy, Yook!" I look over to find my cell phone floating in a glass of water. Nice.

Like Mommy, Like Daughter

"Hmm...I found mom's sunglasses. I wonder if she would mind me trying them on for a second."

"Let's see, how do these work? I think you just slip them on, like this."

"Are they on? How do I look?"

"Ahh - that's better. C-H-E-E-S-E!"

"I wonder if mom will let me keep these, since I'm so cute in them. Maybe she won't notice they're gone."

Weekend with Andrea

Last weekend, one of my longest and bestest (did I make up that word?) friends was here visiting. I forget how fun it is to enjoy the City with those that I have known and who know me.

It was also fun because Andrea brought her now bestest friend, Natalie, as well and I loved getting to know her. Then Natalie's longest and bestest friend from growing up is in CT going to school, so Rachel met up with us for a day. We all had a great time hanging out together.

There is something beautiful about meeting your friends' friends, because you all naturally become friends. Does that make sense? I love that.

We spent time walking around and resting and talking and laughing in Central Park - one of my favorite City things to do.

A few of the places we went while they were here and places I would recommend to anyone visiting:

* Boat House in CP for lunch

* Gansevoort Hotel rooftop bar for drinks and apps

* Market Table for dinner in the Village

* Buddakan for dinner (some of the best food i've ever put in my mouth - no lie)

* Sarabeth's for brunch

* Serendipity 3 for dessert (you must get the Sundae with Peanut Butter and Hot Fudge - I'm just sayin')

Nothing like a fun girls weekend in the City!! Love you, Ande.

Love Those Curls

The hair was getting a bit long, so I gave Kate a little trim and had a little (selfish) fun at the same time. I decided to trim AND straighten it...just to see what it would look like. I actually thought she looked more like my baby/toddler pictures with her hair straight. Lol. I knew I was in there somewhere (even if it's just tiny bit)!

I like these pics of her...

... but it just wasn't "my" Kate. I missed those curls.

By the next day - they were back (just a little shorter).

Love those curls.

End of One, Beginning of Another

Each day in our lives can represent the end of one journey and the beginning of another. The old and the new. The death and the life.

Easter was a symbolic time for me in several ways this year. As I celebrated the death and life of the risen Christ, I also celebrated the baptism of some dear friends who reminded me that those who profess Christ as their Lord and Savior, have experienced a true spiritual death and rebirth. The old is gone and the new has come. It was a good reminder of that process and of God's work in my life.

It is not by coincidence that Easter comes at a time every year when the winter passes and the spring comes.

The barren trees, once again bear fruit.

New life begins. Flowers are planted and color is once again seen among the once drab and dreary backdrop of life.

Similarly, there have been some ugly areas in my life that I feel God has revealed to me in real ways lately and I felt as though my months of wrestling through them and laying them at His feet culminated with the freedom of new life that came at their timely death. Something happened for me this year around Easter. I started to really embrace the freedom that is truly ours in Christ. I think I have fought it for a long while - always feeling like the burden is mine to carry. "My cross", so to speak. While I do know and believe that God is Sovereign over our lot in life and our individual roads that He has ordained us to walk, I do know that it is not up to me to make sense of it all. It's not up to me to have all the answers. It's not up to me to make it through them all alone. It's not up to me. It's not about me.

As many of you know, I had a miscarriage in mid- January. At that time, I was somewhere between 6 and 8 weeks along, they were not quite sure. There are many things I remain ever so grateful for in the midst of such an emotionally difficult time. One of those things was that I was early enough along in my pregnancy to have a choice in how to proceed. I could proceed in one of three ways: 1) naturally 2) chemically (drug-induced) or 3) surgically (DNC). Being this was my first miscarriage, my initial choice was to go as natural as possible. I will spare the details.

Most friends that I had talked with, who had walked similar roads, told of their experiences going naturally and the doctor concurred that it should take a few days to a week - two at most- for my body to process and cleanse itself, naturally. For me, one week turned into five or six, then into 8 or 9 and on into even 12 weeks. Each day was taken prayerfully, wrestling through emotions and questions, tears and laughs, some fear and some peace. To this day, I cannot medically explain why it took my body so long to process something that should normally take, on average, 5 days, but I do know all that God taught me in the waiting.

I do know the areas of sin in my life that were exposed as a result of this waiting. My tendency to take things under my own control. My impatience. My ability to quickly look for the easy way out, knowing that what He was really calling me to, was more waiting. Silence and waiting. (uh - which I don't do well) My tendency to doubt His goodness. My dwelling on myself and my defeated feelings when God has been, is and will always be, victorious and asks that our eyes stay fixed on Him.

I do know the areas that he allowed me to face head on. There was no way around them this time. It was time for me to grow up spiritually, if that makes sense. Time for me to own up to certain things and to die to others, because then and only then can new life form and thrive.

Last week, I took my final pregnancy test and it read the words that I have been ironically looking for these past 12 weeks: not pregnant.

Thank you, Father. Thank you that you have allowed this chapter in my life to close and I do pray that this is the beginning of a new, fruitful and humbly obedient one in every way. Thank you, that even when Satan creeps in and stirs questions around in my head and rises up fear within me, that you remind me of Your faithfulness and Your goodness and Your provision in this harsh winter of my life. That Your plans are higher than mine and Your thoughts likewise. For that is the truth, Your truth, that I hold tightly to now. Thank you for the areas that you have called me to die to, for your namesake and not my own pride. Thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for not giving up on me when I have pleaded and wrestled longingly in your presence, sometimes with unkind words and thoughts. Thank you for your love. A love that I cannot ever leave and one that you sent your Son to die for. Thank you.

Amen.

I do know and feel the burden that has been lifted off of me in the last few weeks. It's hard to explain, but oh is it real. To me. This color. This vibrancy. This taste of life; this new life, at that. Oh is it a good place to be! I am thankful for the cold and abrasive winter - in season and in living. How joyous and free it is to embrace and look anxiously to this next chapter of spring and all that God has chosen to reveal to us in yet another ... season. Here's the to the end of one and the hopeful beginning of another.

Unconventional

Unconventional. That would be my answer when someone asks me how our Easter weekend was this year.

Come to think of it, that word pretty much describes this year as a whole so far. Each holiday has felt mildly to extremely different, usually surrounding some drama. Maybe that's just who we are as people? Perhaps. (Don't laugh.)

On Saturday, Kate woke up from a nap with 103.4, so that pretty much changed our Easter plans, but we enjoyed it and laughed a lot and rejoiced with our risen Savior, none the less.

Did I mention it was in the 40's today? Yes, I wore my sandals anyway.

So, since Kate couldn't go to church, we all got dressed and took some pics outside just to mark the occasion and to look "conventional". We tried our hardest.

We even had our own version of an Easter egg hunt in our backyard just for Kate and took an obscene amount of pictures so the memory could be documented.

As an added blessing, we had some sweet friends over, who are our family here, and we enjoyed a feast, I tell you. A feast. In fact, I think I'm going to have some carrot cake and coffee for my "late" night dinner tonight. Mmm...

Whether your Easter was conventional or unconventional, I pray you were able to stop long enough to sing 'Hallelujah' and to gaze upon the beauty of our Risen Lord.

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