Not Fair

Words cannot express how thankful I am and how blessed I feel to have those journeying alongside of me through happy and sad times. It is through the comforts of friends and family and scripture and prayer that helps to get us all through one day at a time. I have told some of you this story, but I want to share it again here. 

As David and I left the hospital, after seeing the sonogram and hearing that there is no life there, we went back to see my doctor at the doctor's office. It is hard to know what to say in a situation like that. I can imagine from the doctor's perspective, there is no way of knowing where the couple's heart is in relation to the news and so there is only one politically correct and religiously safe way to comfort. We walked in his office and he greeted us with a truly genuine, "I am so sorry. It is just not fair."

His mouth continued to move, but my thoughts drifted. His words continued to echo in my head as he went on to talk about next steps. "It is just not fair." 

Really? Is that what is said to comfort those who experience loss in this world? I always wondered how those who are not able to find comfort in something greater than themselves get through difficult times. I wonder in their heart of hearts what brings them comfort and peace at night. To be honest, "not fair" seemed so empty to me at that moment and still does. Not fair? Is that all? There is no substance in that to me. There is no direction or hope in that statement to me. There is no Savior in that statement. To me, it is empty. 

Last week, I received a call from a friend who after 20 years of working and investing and giving much of herself to her career, found out that she was terminated. 20 years....gone, just like that. The title, the company car, the computer, the email address, the cell phone, the trips around the world, the salary, the identity - gone. No warning (other than a failing economy). I struggled with what to say. I actually thought about that very statement...it is just not fair. But, no, that is really not what I want to say because there is so much more to the loss that we experience in our lives. God does allow loss, if for nothing else, than so we experience a defining identity in Him that we would not otherwise. We all must cling to something during these times. But, just "not fair"? That's still so empty to me.

Then this morning, I received an email update on my college friend, Kristi (Winters) Walker - mom of three, fighting breast cancer. Kristi went home to be the Lord shortly after 8am this morning. Her husband and three boys, one just five months old, left behind to search for answers and direction. Oh, how I just want to say, "it is SO not fair, God". But, once again, I still yearn for more substantive peace and comfort for such a deep loss. A loss that I can barely comprehend even as I type. A loss that makes my stomach tie up in knots, tears pour freely from my eyes, and my knees crumble to the ground in prayer - desperate prayer for answers. Oh, this is a great loss. A loss of a friend. A loss of a daughter. A loss of a mother. A loss of a wife. SO, not fair...but, that would be so empty for those boys to hear. Surely there is something better that we can comfort ourselves with than this. 

If that is all we can say, then Christ died for nothing. There is such a plan. A greater plan. Oh - it's painful. Oh - it's difficult. It's full of tears and questioning and doubting and pain, but it is one of hope. Real hope. True hope.  And this plan, this great plan, leads to true joy and happiness and well, eternal life.

My prayer is that for those of us struggling with something right now that we so want to answer and cry out "it's just not fair!" to, that we would consider finding comfort in something greater. Still single. Can't have children. Lost my job. Fighting an illness. Want more. Not content. Experienced significant loss. Whatever it is - there is a better answer. There is something full of more hope and love and mercy than we can even explain with mere words. 

Oh - there is so much more. I pray that it would bring you comfort as it has me. 

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Psalm 9:10 "And those who know Your name put their trust in you, for you, Oh Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you."

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in ME, you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the World."

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Job 42:1-2 "Then Job replies to the Lord: 'I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted."

Deuteronomy 32:4 "He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He."

Psalm 118:13-14 "I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation."

Psalm 30:11-12 "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. Oh Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."

Romans 15:4,13 "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of scriptures we might have hope. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."