Beauty for Ashes

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, 

because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. 

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 

to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, 


 to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead 

of mourning, and a GARMENT of praise instead of a spirit of despair. 

They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”

(10) “I delight greatly in the LORD; 
my soul rejoices in my God.

For HE HAS CLOTHED me with GARMENTS of salvation 

and arrayed me in a ROBE of righteousness,

as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”

Isaiah 61:1-3, 10

This past weekend was the first Apostles Church women's retreat. All 65 women made it safely to and from the retreat, and God chose to use the women of Apostles to powerfully speak of His faithfulness and love in a way I have not heard and felt before. All praise be to our God. Truly.

At first I was not sure how this weekend would look and it was a bit intimidating starting this from scratch. Our planning team began to pray for direction and focus on an overall topic and it was clear that God was prompting us to speak on having an

Identity in Christ: what that looks like and how it remains compelling against the false identities around us. The theme, Beauty for Ashes, emerged from many talks and was taken from the verse above, in Isaiah. 

This idea of "garments" expressed in Isaiah is also shown in the story of Jacob and it was intriguing to me as I studied and prepared for my talk Friday night. In Genesis 35, Jacob feels God prompting him to lead his family back to Bethel to build an altar of thanks and honor and so

 he turns to his family and says, (paraphrased) "get rid of the false gods among you, purify yourselves and change your garments". It's so interesting to me that the "changing of garments" was such a vital part of beginning this holy journey. I love that picture. I challenged the women and mostly myself this weekend to really reflect on what we have been clothing ourselves in and to pray towards a more eternal wardrobe. I know for me, as a mom in the City and a wife in a marriage that has seen its ups and downs, it has been challenging for me to find my identity in a God who never changes. But, I learn time and time again that He is the only one who can fulfill me and fully satisfy my deepest desires. I needed to be reminded of that this weekend.

There really is so much to say (which is ironic because I have now lost my voice), but I was amazed as I studied further into this Isaiah verse and its historical context. The prophet, Isaiah, is declaring the "year of the Lord's favor" because the

 Jews had just been freed from captivity in Babylon for over 50 years. The slaves were freed and

 their land returned to their original owners, but they were still an oppressed people, not able to rebuild their temple for another 20 years. All of their expectations still went unfulfilled. So, Isaiah is also prophesying of a coming King who, we later see in Luke 4:16-21, is reading and teaching scripture, that just happens to be Isaiah 61 and declares, "this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing." 

Wow. How powerful. Jesus says...It's ME who you are looking for. It's ME who can give true beauty and comfort and peace and joy and freedom. I AM the fulfillment of all that you are seeking. Don't you love that? I so needed to hear that. God must feel like a broken record with

 me, saying over and over, "I AM what you are looking for, Shawna. I AM the only one and the only thing that can satisfy you." I felt Him saying that to me, once again, this weekend. 

Saturday morning, we were blessed to sing praises to our God a cappella in an outdoor amphitheatre in the midst of His splendid creation. It was glorious hearing 65 voices exalting His name.

Then, we heard from Ginger Vassar (JR's wife) on what an identity in Christ is and how it can be defined. I love what she said. An identity in Christ is simply believing that all God says about who I am is true, because of Jesus. I had to really sit with myself in the peace and beauty of His creation and digest this a little bit. Do I really trust Him? Do I really believe what He says about me? 

Later that day, another woman spoke on "Cultivating a Life of Prayer". Her passion and genuine excitement on the power of prayer was so convicting to me. She talked of "prayer being the native language of our faith", and that nothing needs to change in order for us to pray - to pray IS to change. 

That night, after free time and wonderful conversations, we heard from a panel that was largely made up from the very women planning this retreat. It was so powerful to hear how God has moved in each of their lives and to hear of the very experiences that led them to defining this "identity in Christ". 

1. One woman talked about how she moved to the City and after being raised in a Christian home was lured away by all the "glitter" of the City. She started shopping in stores she couldn't afford, eating next to celebrities, and partying with people that were really fun and good people. She said she was ready to trade Christ in for that sweater at Barneys and all of these "glamorous" things. She remembered praying just months ago, "God reveal yourself to me, God reveal yourself to me, God reveal yourself to me." After a lot of prayer from friends and loved ones she began reading, "Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer. She said that she truly started experiencing and seeing God in ways she never had before. She began to see the "glamour" that IS in a relationship with Christ. Praise God.

2. Another spoke of her life growing up in New York with a mother who was an addict and going to live with a grandmother who was the first example she had of a Christian. After growing up and marrying and having two children, her husband left. She was alone once again, now as a single mom. Feeling angry after so many things had gone wrong and been taken from her, God continued to pursue her time and time again. She realizes now that her joy is in her pain. She has learned to embrace it. Wow. Praise God. 

3. Another spoke of how she had the perfect life growing up. Only went to church on the holidays but found and married the perfect man, bought the perfect house, had the perfect job, had the perfect pregnancy and beautiful baby girl and yet still felt the biggest void in the her life. After breaking down, she and her family started going to church and Christ revealed himself to her. She said it was then that things started feeling like they were "falling apart". She miscarried her next pregnancy, jobs became unstable and finances more tight. She said that through it all, she has learned that to have everything and not Christ is still so empty, but to have Christ and nothing else is far better. Praise God. 

4. The last panelist spoke of a defining moment in her life when at age 16, her mom was killed in a car accident. In broad daylight, she was gone. Just like that. What a devastating time and yet she was really faced with that crossroads of choosing to find an identity and comfort in Christ alone or in the things of this world. Of course that tragedy lives with her still to this day, but the peace of God has filled her in a way that nothing else could have. Praise God. 

I know this is long. But, do you see why this weekend was amazing? I couldn't have planned this. I didn't plan this. God moved so powerfully in ways that no one on our planning team have ever imagined six months ago as we started praying. God is so good. I am truly in awe. I pray that if even one of these stories speaks to you, that you would remember that God IS who He says He is and is the true fulfillment of your deepest desires.